estevan carlos benson

Obituary: God Bless Winnie, the cat

estevan — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 04:30:13 +0000

I’m revealing too much and revealing personal aspects that most will never care about. I was emotionally autistic as a youth. I like to suggest that I’m no longer that way… I was however up until my teens. It basically entailed a few things. I had a hard time with eye contact, I was afraid to touch people, and I developed late, the ability to speak (I was 5 years old). One day though, my mother and I decided to bring a simple little cat into our lives and it was profound for me. Whether it was a matter of the qualities and gentleness of the creature or a matter of timing and therapy that I was in desperate need for — it had a profound effect on me.

It provoked me. Allowed me to finally communicate emotionally. I felt sensibilities I had never felt before. Such as, I hope she’s okay, What the hell is she doing?, I don’t feel too lonely with her around, This is actually kind of fun, and She seems to like me.

These are small gestures. Small aspects of life but for someone who was lacking, these little things actually meant the world to me at the time. Family members noticed the change in me. Even my friends. I fear no one will ever understand the desperation and need I had and the void that small animal filled. I’ve always considered Winnie, the cat, my saving grace. Bless her.

In Production (screenshots because I don’t have a digital camera)

estevan — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:53:01 +0000

Finally, it’s coming together. This will good.

New home, new music, all is new

estevan — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:44:34 +0000

Some things change and then some things never do.

Drawing hearts on an empty chest

estevan — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:57:52 +0000

Estevan Carlos Benson will leave secret messages all over the Silverlake area along Sunset Av, Los Angeles CA. Saturday, February 23 and Sunday, February 24, 2008.

Newspaper dispensers; bathroom stalls; alleyway dishrags; lamp post, warning signs; sidewalk stamp collections; donut shop, shopping, lines; homeless, dog, water bowls; tourist, guilt, candle, songs; chess game, philosophy; creole, shot, rain-day, street, fumes.

http://dma.ucla.edu/events/announcements.php#145

Solomn Update

estevan — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 19:41:30 +0000

Girl waste. Mixing downers. Hollywood star died the way I tried. Generic pill uppers. Mugging, thugs, runaway. Sort of wish I was shot that night. Breakfast alone. Writing poems on receipts. Waitress smiles for miles. And that’s how I defeat defeat.

Ritual, Worship, Process

estevan — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 21:46:11 +0000

I am currently learning how to construct a fiction.

It will take place in Nevada.

Conspicuously taken from another blog.

New Orleans

estevan — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 00:48:10 +0000

Currently and too briefly, in New Orleans.

It’s been a stoic and all too short a trip. If only I didn’t already have so many things on my mind. And if only I had come here sooner. It’s crossed my mind though, before even visiting, that I should consider living here for a period of time. The walls are crumbling. The earth is gray. And the fire and passion still hasn’t left.

It’s looks and feels… just as I try to feel myself.

Puppet Theatre: Currently Editing a new video

estevan — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:24:02 +0000

Interestingly, I’ve wanted to create, perform, write music for, and record a puppet performance for some time. I am still editing this video but wanted to share this screenshot. Enjoy.

Niggy Tardust

estevan — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:13:12 +0000

I’d like to help promote this upcoming album. The only time I would do something like this as I hope to also one day work with both Reznor and Saul Williams.

Contributed work to Gawker.com

estevan — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 21:08:09 +0000

You can now, although likely rarely, come across my contributed work as a part of Gawker’s artist collection of banner ads. Something like that.

Now, when you view one of our titles, you might see an artist’s imagery where usually you see the designs of advertisers. When you spot one of these images, you can click to read about the artist’s process and work. Check out our current collection by browsing the list of artists, and consider submitting your own creative expressions.

Enjoy.